Pedal 2 Stiletto

Climbing mountains isn’t really about climbing mountains to get to the top for some sort of self satisfaction that you have reached the top. There is always a what’s next.  What will I do after I reach this goal?  Will I finally feel like a complete person, will my friends and family finally stop asking me about “this goal”. Oh wait it is all I have talked about for the past however many months. I asked for all this attention and then I began to resent it. Isn’t that funny we get what we ask for and suddenly we wish it would all just go away.
Well what’s next after this goal? Come on it’s on your bucket list it’s on your race calendar .
Lately I have been thinking more and more about what’s going on inside of me vs outside of me. I am learning to quiet many of the voices in my head. I am learning to allow myself to have a thought and move on.
I’ve have begun the journey of life as though it is my mountain. There is no longer one specific mountain or race and goal or time that I want to “beat”. I want to learn to peacefully grow into the space that in which myself and the universe has created and climb into who I am supposed to me.
Riding a bike, wearing high heels, loving to get dressed up, those are all part of WHAT I do but they aren’t who I am. Who is Sandy? Who are you? If you were to walk into a room today in normal clothes with no bike and no connection to a bike in a room full of strangers what would be your connection? What would you talk about? What would be that common ground?
At some point has to be a separation of who YOU are and who lines up at the race. For a long time I didn’t understand that. First I didn’t understand that in my career and then I didn’t understand it athletically.
We all want to be a part of something we all want to be important and yet we all deeply want to feel that we are different somehow better from the person next to us. Is it because we have climbed that mountain, had that career, overcome that obstacle or hurdle, had that trial or tribulation in our lives. I really don’t know what you have had. I know what I have had and I know that I selfishly wanted those things to seperate me from YOU ,so that I could feel better about myself. I could feel like there might just be a small chance that somehow in this world I was important too. What I didn’t understand was all of this was manifesting and hurting people. Pushing people away. I began to resent when people would ask me about my next “mountain” whatever that was. A 5k, road race, I dunno whatever. I began to look at them and wonder why in the world was that the only thing they would talk to me about?! I asked for it. I asked for them to treat me like that. I lost the separation of self and became defined by the next mountain.
Try climbing through life to find YOU.

Love the smile girl!

This couldn’t have been written without the the kind and thoughtful words of both Josh an amazing person and coach and Sarah one heck of a patient women and mechanic.

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So here I am thinking awe no it’s really not important to know the route right…Yeah so that’s my first thought, I’m not claiming this to be the smartest thought I had all morning. Just the laziest.

Then I come to realize that will only get me so far…hmmm 4 miles in until a category 1 climb.

About 3 lovely miles into this climb my riding partners
turns around in the middle of the road. Considering he is more than capable of
taking care of himself I think…hmm whatever, there goes my draft, and proceed
forward.

After another second I decide it might be worth it to look back. Yo, wth dude is off his bike next to a motorcycle. Not just any motorcycle but a 1,000lb Victory. My assumption would be that the moto bike operator took the curve too sharply. That’s how he and his bike ended up in the ditch.
Well, after pulling this heavy ass bike out of the ditch we begin to climb again.

I think it was more like I began to suffer and he began to climb. Say it ain’t so.  Climb climb
climb….hmmm really I just threw up on myself really really what is that all about? Not sure but when I get to the top I feel like my insides are twisted into some sort of sailing knot.

Whatever there is not much I can do about this… Rollin’

Here comes the rain no really here comes the rain! This shit
hurts. My riding partner smartly turns into a local random convenience store. The
woman is very nice at the counter. However I feel like minnows are sloshing out of the bottom of my shoes as we click clack across the floor.

She brings up the radar yeah we have issues. So we hang out until we are no longer smack in the middle of the yellow dot.  Rollin’

Seriously this shit IS COLD! We started and it was 85 it is not 47 and we have nothing but soaked kits on! I resolve to follow the rooster tail as closely as I can. I am freezing my nose is running and I am not, I repeat, not going to keep wiping my nose. I start taking the lazy way and just blowing
my nose as the rain is so hard that it is only taking a second to be washed
away.

WTF another climb….Okay let’s get to it. Least the rain has stopped
pelting us for a moment.   A very brief moment as we start to come down off of this lil hill the rain picks up AGAIN! This
time we can see sunlight in the distance. We keep rolling at a reasonable pace.

Okay WTF again! Wait I yell there is SNOW on the ground. Upon further glance we realize this is not snow this is HAIL and lots of little pellets of hail.  As we ride further it becomes clearer that we were spared. Spared in the greatest sense. Power trucks keep passing us traveling in the opposite direction and there is lots of debris in the road.

We look to our left and the river is bursting at the seams.  Both of us realize that if we were riding the
pace that we had anticipated, we would have been caught in whatever weather
happened moments  before.

I would like to get off my bike at this point and cry. I am
tired I am hungry I am frozen and I am burping like some random drunk man. My
intestines are not interested in letting up.

Dude TAKES off! What I mean he takes off. It took everything
I had to hang on today and now I’m off! Straight up.. off the back, and I have
no option but to fend for myself. “Our greatest fear is not that we are
inadequate our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”  I am now taking the approach that regardless of how far ahead he is, my only option is to pedal, pedal, pedal. I see him
slowing up and I grab his wheel.  After a brief rest I find my second wind and I am just as ready to end this ride as he is. That’s exactly what we do as another storm blows in.

Now here is the blow to my ego! After all this craziness I
load the ride into Training Peaks….Um I really thought I had climbed much more
than that. Now I am embarrassed of my tired legs. To my surprise this morning I
get an email that the Garmin was off by about 2,000 ft. of elevation! Yeah baby
I earned my tired legs and I am going to enjoy my 1 hr. easy ride today!

Here’s to owning your throw up, riding thru hail, being safe on the descents, and remembering that no matter what IT’S IN YOU!

Thank you my friend, for letting me tag along on your training ride, mapping out some great roads, and 1/3 of a conversation. (I could only hear part of what you were saying because you were so far ahead and could only understand every other word…love the accent. Wait what did you say?
We have  12 miles left!  Rock on and next time,  bring that cute brother of yours!

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I spend lots of time writing about the bike and very little time
writing about life. Well life happens on and off the bike!

I fall in and out of love with my bike, while on my bike. I fall
off my bike and get back on. I cry, I smile, I laugh, I stutter, I stumble, I
live.

Lately my life has been moving forward while on my bike and at a
stand still off the bike. When I’m on the bike it’s my own little secret world.
I can be anything in the world according my mind. I can conquer any problem,
tackle the highest mountain, climb to the end of the earth, all while rolling
along the neighborhood streets or the mountains of North Carolina.

But what happens when I get off that bike is something totally
different. I shrink, I stutter, I stammer, I’m scared, I’m weak, I’m not
living! It’s like I need the helmet to protect me. It makes me feel all safe
inside and when I take it off, reality is, I am just a normal girl living in a
neighborhood that closely resembles the burbs….with big dreams.

When I put that helmet back on I FEEL I DREAM BIG! It reminds me
of the movie Big Daddy…Julian puts on his “sunglasses” and becomes invisible.
I put on my helmet and become
INVINCIBLE!

Recently it became too much for me to be two people….the
INVINCIBLE DREAMER and the girl in the neighborhood. I want to walk the city
streets with the same zest for life that I roll the city streets. I want to be
me! Being YOU or Being ME means so many things at so many different points in
our lives. Who I am today is not who I was 5 years ago, 3 yrs ago, or even a
week ago. Who I am today is exactly who I am supposed to be TODAY! Where I am
going I don’t know. I’ve got all sorts of fancy gadgets for the bike to show me
where to go and give me a shi* ton of data. I’ve got gadgets in my car and apps
on my phone to tell me where to go and how to get there. The shortest route,
how to avoid highways or only take major highways, where the road construction
is, how long the traffic delays are and so on. I’ve been living my life
according to these gadgets.

I get up in the morning and I follow their lead. I hit
start…Turn right, turn left in 500 feet, traffic ahead, alternate route
provided, approximate arrival time 11:11. AWWWWWE shizwitlz I just stepped out
of my car. Which way was I supposed to go again? If I get back in my car I can
start driving on auto pilot. If I get back on my bike that fancy little gadget
will tell me which way to turn, which route, which course, it will even BEEP at
me when my heart rate is too high.

People talk about living on auto pilot but I think it runs so much
deeper. I mean shit this thing is beeping at me because I’m working too hard,
trying to hard, excerting too much effort. That’s all great and fine and
wonderful if I am training to be a Pro racer and while I have my helmet on, I
think just that. But in real life, I’ve been secretly (metaphorically) carrying
these gadgets with me. Beep beep you’re heart is fluttering, beep wrong turn
you’re off course, beep, traffic congestion ahead, to avoid confrontation, make
a U turn and proceed 500 feet turn right then make your immediate left on
“comfortable street”, in one mile turn left on “easy street”.

This is NOT what life is about for me. I am not sure when I
started stuffing these little gadgets in my pocket. Today I have decided to
live free. Traffic ahead, I am plowing right smack into it, I want to see what
happened. Highway ahead, turn right to avoid, oh hell no I am jumping on the
fast lane and going to feel the excitement, beep your heart rate is in zone 4
back it down…oh now you are kidding, I am about to feel with my whole heart
and soul. Stay in zone 4 and embrace every second anybody want to come with
me?????

Love

The Smile Girl

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What started out as a harmless random few people riding their bikes on a weekend ended up being….1 couple who rocks, my coach from last year, 1 new guy to riding who’s insanely strong, a solid triathlete, myself, and the lone ranger.

I invited the “pace pusher” and the “tri guy”…Soon after the ride started the Tri Guy and the Pace Pusher hit it off pretty well. Of course I don’t want to be shown up, so I join them along with the lone ranger. Might I add the four of us, don’t Know the Route?  Yes, it’s been said many times if you don’t know the route stay off the front. Does that apply if you are 4th wheel back?

Off we went literally off in our own direction which was not making the organizer happy! Come on of course it wasn’t she wanted a solid pace a solid ride and we are making a mess of it.

I decide at one point to take off the front for absolutely no reason. I should probably tell you that it had rained really hard the day before and we were on a pretty bumpy muddy road.  Here comes a car right next to me and I am splattered with road mud and slush! Oh yeah that was hawt. I instantly started laughing because what else do you do? I could hear the others laughing behind me because needless to say I deserved it and it was funny. Girl goes off the front and gets shown up by a car!

Later on the 4 misfits ride off the front too far and have to be chased down. When I say too far I really mean we ended with 4 miles more than the others. 2 miles out and 2 miles back! Look I am not making any friends at this point for inviting the “pace pusher”and “tri guy”.  See the lone ranger knows the couple and my coach from last year….WAY BETTER THAN I DO!

After they lasso us back to the group I told “pace pusher” look you have to apologize this is not what we were supposed to be doing. Then I hear the lone ranger tell him SPIN IN YOUR LITTE CHAIN RING!

We make it home after a semi solid ride. Which would have been super solid if we all would have ridden together!

Some of us decide we are going to grab a burger and a beer. Ha some of us! Well, actually the 4 of us. The other 3 are about done with us!

Well, I don’t eat burgers really and beer is not my thing. For good measure I’ll add,  I am NOT a WINE GIRL EITHER! Here goes….…Around the table…Beer, Water, Jack and Diet Coke, Beer.

Bacon Cheeseburger on Steroids= Basic burger seasoned with bacon salt, 3 pieces of jalapeño bacon, 3 pieces of applewood smoked bacon, topped with Monterey Jack cheese, house made bacon mayo, shredded lettuce, tomatoes, onion and pickle served on a bun x 3

Frenchie = Turkey burger, brie, applewood smoked bacon, grilled apples x1

Our waiter is now laughing pretty hard. None of us are really making any sense! I’m still in my riding jacket and these men might be slightly delirious by now. The waiter brings out: beer, diet coke, jack and diet coke, and beer.

No water and Pace Pusher is ready for his 2nd  beer by now. Tri Guy is still waiting on his water and lone ranger is a One Drink kinda guy!

Pace Pusher shares with Lone Ranger (who has some pretty solid cycling legs and about 12 yrs. of riding) Hey you should come join my teams ride sometime but bring your Garmin! Not one but 3 times! Now really do you invite someone to a ride and let them know the goal is to drop them? Especially after how we all acted today!!!!!

The food comes and most of you don’t know that I am a really finicky eater. So I proceed to eat my sweet potato fries first! It has to be done…I have to eat what ever I really wanted or what sounds the best first. Once I have eaten all that I want of a particular food I move to the next. “Are you going to eat that burger?” I think I am being sly, I am NOT! So I proceed to eat the bacon off the top of the turkey burger. Next up knife and fork for the Turkey Burger. HOW ELSE ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO EAT IT? (oh and sans bun) Our lovely waiter comes by and decides to share with our table “You are about as intimidating as a Teletubbie” really now what am I going to say back with a forkful of turkey burger and having being splashed with mud…

Humbled by the fact that I am mud splattered and eating my burger with a knife and fork! I look around and realize somehow these 3 men have bonded in a way that I will never understand!

Perhaps that’s what the day was all about connecting people!

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No seriously I think I have an obsession with either noses, boogers, or both??? This is the 2nd time I have written about it! However this time I really want to know if any of you can relate to the Road Boogers or is it “Rode Boogers” see this really only occurs when I ride my bike and don’t pretend it doesn’t happen to you! So here you are about to drive home from a race or ride home from a long ride and you look in the rearview mirror and you realize that you look like you might have some sort of drug problem! Well if adrenaline is a drug than I think we do have a problem.

It never fails. I think I look halfway normal with helmet hair and reapplied mascara until I get in my car and realize, I have been talking to people with a white crusty rim around both my nostrils. Why I ask does anyone not tell me?

Precisely how do you get this off! I want to know? Do you carry extra QTips and clean the rim of your nose, do you leave it and wear it as a badge of honor or do you just stare at it all the way home?

This really never occurred to me until this past weekend. I carried on many conversations after racing on Saturday and it was cold and windy. I had the tell tale sign of the white rim all over each of my nostrils and NONE of my trusty teammates bothered to tell me! But then again they had it too and I didn’t bother to tell them! Which led me to the idea…. Are we really just walking around wearing our BOOGERS like badges of honor compensating for our lack of podium-ing at the race?

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So here it is the day before my 1st race / participation of 2012 and you would think I would have all these strategies, plans, and so on filling up my brain! This is when I tend to take a moment OFF from FB / Twitter / and everything else and BE ME!

What does ME entail today….?

I have decided that I really really enjoy spraying aerosol hairspray while my mop (mane of blonde hair) is flipped upside down! It’s all CRAZY when I flip it back over and super fun to look like a wild woman!

Mascara…you know what the best test for waterproof mascara is A TOUGH ASS COMPUTRAINER WORKOUT!

Fingernail polish….I think I need a manicure….

Chain Grease…why can I not apply chain lube without getting chain grease on me! It’s not hard…dot the chain with lube and move on! How do I always get chain grease on my hands!

Abs….remind me again why I did 25 abs in between each set of arm exercises yesterday at the gym? Oh that’s right because my jersey is skin tight and it’s not even a skin suit! Any other reason…hmmm well yeah summer is coming up gotta work the abs with the tan lines!

Sadly I can’t really think of anything else other than I wish everyone the best tomorrow. Some of us work with aggression and some of us prefer to be swans!

Keep the rubber side down and RACE HARD!

Love

The Smile Girl

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“Leadership consists not in degrees of technique but in traits of character; it requires moral rather than athletic or intellectual effort, and it imposes on both leader and follower alike the burdens of self-restraint.”
Lewis H. Lapham 

As the racing season fast approaches I’m not sure why my focus has been more on iCLIMBforward (cleft lip is my blessing) and less on my racing season..internally it feels this way. So let’s examine something and get down to calling a spade a spade.

Cycling is an intimidating sport for women in my opinion. It starts with spandex and snowballs from there! I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. Bullying is something that I have always cared deeply about and had an uncanny ability to pick up on. Perhaps because I was born with a cleft lip and palate and that seemed to be really really important to some children and adults. It was way more important to them than to me….I think it scared them, made them nervous, maybe uncomfortable, made them think they might be stronger, or better yet smarter than me because I didn’t look like them, or simply because I take the approach “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Solomon’s Proverbs…which from my understanding of the space time continuam came before Lincoln.

Well let’s think about what a women’s start line at a race looks like. Short, tall, athletic, needs to lose some body fat…(you know you have lined up and said that to YOURSELF, to boost your own ego…and when she beat you, you forgot you said that because then you’d look like a fool in the mirror), toned, skinny, fat, muscular, hateful, mean, snotty, scared, intimidated, well endowed, un-messable with, unsure, confident and so forth. If you notice some of these traits are not physical traits yet you can in fact “see” them.

If it’s true that women really want to see more women get into the sport of cycling than why the nasty nasty attitude from some. If women really want to see other women join in the sport than don’t you think we would be more inclusive than exclusive. What is going on here and we are some trying to turn this into the good ole women’s club. If we can break down group dynamics to a junior high lunch room than we need to look at ourselves and make sure, WE, YOU, ME, ANY OF US, are not contributing to trying to grow the sport while keeping those out that we deem as unworthy.

Let’s grow this sport together…..

Love

The Smile Girl

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There are two types of rollers well three but I think we shall stick to talking about the two I know the most about. As for the 3rd, college sure was fun.

So I thought I would be a good neighbor and trade one of my Cyclops fluid trainers for a pair of rollers. See there were two Cyclops trainers in the house. My friend needed one and my other friend decided he was too cool for rollers. He was taking up backpacking. So the switch was made! See why I love cyclist. Remind me someday I said that…when I go on some crazy rant about how self centered, egotistical, masochistic, arrogant, self centered, did I say self centered they are. Wait I think I am talking about myself in 3rd person. When did this become the diary I turn into my therapist! Just kidding my bike took over the couch!

Alright so here I was with NO motivation. Thinking wow those Honey Stingers look really good. Hello they are not snacks they are NUTRITION for when one is on the bike or exercising not “thinking about exercising” or training whatever you want to call it to sound the coolest. There’s a pair of jeans in this house that I haven’t tried on in years! I do mean YEARS. Like they secretly haunt me. Up…..up girl get this workout done and…..wait…. go try on those jeans. Haha I will master my mind today.

Jeans tried on! SCORE! Yeah baby they fit. Of course they could fit better but I didn’t have to squeeze into them! So now to watch the Bachelor. What does that have to do with the rollers you asked?  I have conveniently justified to myself that it will be acceptable to watch the train wreck for 2 hours if I stay on the rollers the whole time. Well and because my Sunday workout was a bust.

First I must loop the jeans thru the refridgerater door so every time I think about opening my jeans get in the way! Perfection I know! Glad I am the only one in the house besides puppy this week.

Roller time! I can’t use the normal spot because I will not have a clear view of the train wreck.  So I decided to move to a spot between the lounge chair and the couch. Why do I think I can stand the foam roller up on one end to place my hand on top for balance as I jump on the rollers??! WHAT THE HELL was I thinking! This is not working! I set this up at 7:38pm so I have time to move.

I hop off look around for a door frame….ahh got it. Rollers are moved, bike is moved, and I hop on. Why are my hands slipping. Ding ding ding I put on oil earlier because my legs were like dragon slayers they were so rough.

Jump off wash hands. Jump back on. 8:01pm good to go. (meanwhile the DVR really is recording this train wreck) While all this rolling is going on, I am sweating like a wrestler working out with a garbage bag on, before weigh in. Focus Sandy! What????? They are skiing in San Francisco. Ehem this is high definition tv where is their CELLULITE!  Focus on pedal stroke nutcase! Pedal! MMMMK we are back to about 19…reasonable.

Man this sucks it’s 8:45pm I really need water and I should check my phone. Should check my phone for what I dunno know. Another missed call from who my mother!

I jump off grab a bottle of water and proceed to jump back on with the sweaty palms of a 10 year old boy. This not going to be easy! Clip in pedal, pedal faster, brace with your elbows girl! It’s not that hard! sweeeeeeeeep goes the wheel to the left side of the rollers. Down goes my right leg still clipped in, left knee is now clinging to the door frame as well. Right hamstring anxiously shows off all her stretchy talents she learned in yoga!

How am I going to tip myself up from this, unclip, and try not to yell at puppy for starring at me! Somehow I managed to make this happen with a gallant effort. Shake off the drama and start again. Oh shizwitlz the funeral director chic is back! Wait she was on Brad’s season…she doesn’t even know Ben. Sandy GAWD DAMNIT PEDAL! Sorry Coach if you read this and look at my data you can follow along with the story line too!

Okay seriously I am done. I have justified my existance today!

Love

The Smile Girl

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I pee’d my chamois. No really you fools I pee’d my chamois. Wait who am I calling a fool I’m the one that just admitted I clearly need to wear this diaper maxi pad thing of sorts!

I didn’t intend on sitting on my saddle and doing this and as a matter of fact that is NOT how it happened.  I’m off riding, riding, riding, riding, and if you have met me or followed me in any capacity you know I wait to the very last minute to use the restroom.

Well I have these nifty difty little new bibs and jersey. One problem the jersey is half zip so how in the world do you get your bibs off without taking your jersey all the way off and everything that might be in your pockets flipping out! Well trust me I have tried one arm, leaving it hang around my neck like noose, so on and so forth.

I asked a female cyclist that has WAY more experience than I do with this whole shebang. She said….pull the leg of your bibs over. So here I am knowing there is a big shiznital climb coming and I can hear my stomach sloshing! Now that I think about it maybe I didn’t quite understand what she meant?

So I pull off the road…bibs, half zip jersey, arm warmers, make shift leg warmers which were actually someone’s arm warmers but it was colder then I thought. I put them on my calves. Got it? Are you picturing this mess! Because it was a hot mess! First order of business remove the arm warmers from my calves. Second pull right thigh of bib over. Third you get the picture…HOLY SHIZWHIZ no really this is NOT working. Straight down my leg, my hands, gloves are now soaked…Really come on make it end…make it END.

NOW WHAT…here comes the best part!

I used the borrowed arm warmers to clean up. Then rolled them up and put them in my jersey. ehem soaked I’ve got bigger problems my chamois is soaked. I try desperately to squeeze as much of it out as I can. Have I mentioned my gloves are soaked!!!!

There’s not much more I can do and it’s cold. Do I take these soaked gloves off and put them in my jersey or do I leave them on? I opted to leave them on. Remember you never know what YOU will really do until you are faced with the challenge. I suggest you don’t judge. I hop back on my bike.

Next up….my nose is running. As I am pedaling, I think to myself… 

Do I wipe my nose with these urine soaked gloves…Do I let my ehem snot run out my nose...WIPE…LET IT RUN…WIPE..LET IT RUN…It was sterile…It was sterile…waassssss sterile…RUN IT IS!

I get out of the saddle to loosen my legs, sit back down, and I kid you not. MORE squishes out of my chamois down my leg! Come on you have to be kidding me I was NOT that well hydrated I never am!

I run into the snot issue AGAIN seriously this is hideous! Alright girl pull your shit together and PEDAL! So here I go and I have the best climb of my life. Was I pedaling away from my issues well hell yes I was but you would be too!

I don’t advise that you use this method as a motivational tool but should you ever be faced with the same challenge. I would love to hear if you pulled one side over or all the way down.

Love

The Smile Girl….have you seen the nearest restroom….

I’ve attached a photo I took a few days later as I was heading to a different mountain. Notice the sneaky sneaky smile on my face!

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My Friday Adventure

All right you fools I thought I would be super cool and do a ride with some teammates that had posted they were leaving at 11 from a town about an hour from where I live. I load the route into this stoopid Garmin 800 which blows my mind. Has way more data that I care to stare at. It’s not mine I borrowed it so I could load a route in case I got dropped.

Well I got dropped alright. I roll up to where they were meeting and supposedly leaving at 11. I should probably stop and admit right here that I never emailed anyone to say I was coming I just showed up. When I pulled up there were two cars with bike racks on the top and stickers from some of our sponsors on the back of both cars. Oh shiznitz I thought to myself. These peeps decided to leave earlier because it’s a windy SOB kinda day.

So I roll over to the gas station apply some mbro. Roll back to the car throw my keys in my bike rack. Shut it now I KNOW NOT SMART. Looked at my watch 11:02. I am rolling. Thinking to myself these cars belong to the people I would have been meeting. If they don’t and the teammates that were doing this ride start later…by 15 mins or so MAYBE by some Ninja Fly legs they will catch me….

I’m off and I’m following the purple line right that’s what he said follow the purple line. I happen to see three different colored arrows on the ground as well. So I have to be headed in the right direction, right???. I pedal and pedal and pedal in this stoopid nasty wind. Three arrows are now down to two. I am cool with that…I knew there were two similar routes that started from the same starting point. I am following the purple line. I don’t see any arrows for turn right / turn left but it hasn’t said off course so I keep pedaling. After about an hour and a half I start thinking something isn’t right but I can still see the arrows painted on the road so I keep following. AHHHH HOLY SHIZFUCKINBIZWHITZS! They repaved this road and there is no arrow. I cross the intersection and head straight through.

It’s getting pretty shady back here ehem tobacco fields and big trucks…I really don’t want to be on these roads anymore. I pull off look at the Garmin too many screens too much information. I have zero idea what is going on at this point. Problem solve right….turn on phone use mapquest to say current location so I can match to the Garmin. Thank you AT&T for the NO SERVICE found.

Pedal some more what am I going to do….GAS STATION..Yeah buddy! I swing in and asked the woman were Asbury Church road is…she has no idea. I am cold, wind beaten, and kinda frustrated….CALL BACK UP. I am lost, I want to cry, and I have no idea how to get back to my car. Can you please look at a computer and tell me how to get from this random location to my car….Hold on let me look….BACK UP you’re taking too long and that Fried Apple Pie is looking really really good!

Great there’s lots of random’s coming in the gas station to buy some serious 40′s and no teeth. Exactly why I wanted to be OFF these roads. Breakthrough….The women at the gas station finds a man that knows where the street I am looking for is.

Take 421 all the way to Asbury Church get off  at the exit and you will see the gas station across from where you parked 8-10 miles.

Oh hell no it wasn’t 8-10 miles it was like 15 and there is six inches on both sides of this rumble strip, the max speed on this MAJOR HIGHWAY mind you not interstate is 70. I have to navigate the rumble strip and the on coming ramps…Cars are not on the look out for my idiot ass.

So I ride and I ride and I focus my eyes a few feet ahead knowing I have no room to swerve. POSSUM… right is the ditch left is rumble strip and traffic. OVER I GO! NOOOOOO okay that was really gross but I’m closer to the exit. I remember one of the streets from when I was driving in that morning. OFF COURSE OFF COURSE…LEFT LEFT oh now you tell me silly Garmin. It’s a bit late.

My exit yahoooooo! I roll in and call to say I am safe. Jump off my bike throw my phone, helmet, jersey bin, and glasses in the passenger seat… and the keys. Some how I hit the lock button and the stoopid wind just blew my car door shut. Yeah I know the doors should unlock if the keys are in the car. (apparently this only works if you are on the DRIVER side…don’t ask, just accept. I experimented with this after I got home) Alright I am cold, tired, frustrated, and locked out of my car. So I ride over to the gas station across the street. Nice clerk calls someone and says they will be right over! SCORE

OR NOT… they are right over for sure. Rolled down windows, smell like smoke, dude grabs a bag with some slim jim’s, passenger looks at my car, dude looks at my car. I said have you ever unlocked a BMW he said No. I asked…ever so gingerly..Do you know what you are doing. NO and he gets back in the car and drives off! WTF was that….

Alright back up plan call BMW roadside assistance. Well that is expired. Crap! Help is on the way! My trusty trusty amazing friend has AAA. He calls them we know they wont asked for the card but he drives from Charlotte to Yadkinville-ish area anyways just in case. I wait in the gas station with no money (it was in my jersey bin http://www.jerseybin.com ). I convince the clerks to let me eat and I will pay them when I get my car unlocked! Nothing like a Generic Orange Crush Soda some generic Twizzlers and a Pecan Log really what am I thinking? I’m frozen, tired, annoyed, sad, scared…where’s the poor me boat that is going to come take me to paradise. I am FROZEN! Ahhh this gas station sells blankets.. Don’t asked just accept. I find a quaint little seat on some 12packs of Diet Pepsi and cover up with the blanket barely unfolded until my phone rings! Bam I am headed back across the street AAA is at my car!!!  They unlock my car and all is well and my trusty trusty friend pulls up about 3 mins later. Just in case we need to show a AAA card. We don’t he never asked.

Time to drive back to Charlotte…After getting home and loading my ride into Garmin Training Center it is CLEAR I am not even close to either route that my teammates would have been doing. I am on a totally different route. I went right out of the parking lot and then right onto another road…I should have stayed straight if I wanted to be on SSF route.

That doesn’t solve the OFF COURSE OFF COURSE LEFT LEFT warning from the Garmin. but wait it does. I should have been parallel to the highway and wasn’t really that lost except I was on the Raptor route. WTF how. Never mind it doesn’t matter I really need to go blow this black nasty nasty out of my nose and SHOWER. Well the latter never happened  but happily I climbed into bed!

Night all!

Love

The smile girl!

PS Big girls know how to deal with the stress of being way off course getting pseudo lost and riding over possums!

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